Wednesday, January 31, 2007

More controversy over race.

It seems that freedom of speech is alive and well in the commonwealth.
I just love it that someone will actually stand up and say something that I for one agree with. No name calling or discrimination. Just a plain old "This is our land and these are our rules. You are all more than welcome providing you conform to them"

I see the lunacy is there also (see the bit about the judge and the christmas tree).

The person that made the remarks has already been accused of wait for've got it! A racist.

Tosh!! I bet if he went to somewhere like Saudi or Afghanistan and tried shouting from the roof tops "I'm a christian la la la, I don't like your culture." he wouldn't last 10 seconds before he was either beaten to death by a mob or arrested and beaten to death by the state.

Any comments?

The New Fraud Act.

A more apt title would have been "How the home office is acting fraudulently."
Here are a few gems of guidance on this wonderful new piece of legislation.

Q: What has changed in relation to police recording plastic card and cheque fraud?

A: There are two major changes, the first is the introduction of a new category of ‘economic crime’ and the second is to make the financial institutions the first point of contact for account holders when dealing with these fraud offences.

Q: What does an ‘economic crime’ mean then?

(Look into my eyes.)

A: Previously if a person had their credit card stolen and it was subsequently used on 10 separate occasions to buy goods fraudulently from 10 different shops there would be a requirement for 1 crime record for theft and 10 for deception. Under the ‘economic crime’ category there is only a requirement for 1 theft and 1 fraud by false representation.

The principle is based on the number of separate accounts that have been defrauded as opposed to the number of individual transactions on each account.

Q: So if a member of the public comes into the police station and tells me that their credit card has been stolen and used on 10 different occasions what should I do?

(You are feeling sleepy...)

A: Record a crime for theft of the card and a Crime Related Incident for the economic crime. The member of the public should be instructed to inform their financial institution about the fraudulent uses of the credit card. The financial institution can then report the economic crime direct to the Police via a central recording point in each force if they wish to. They will supply further details such as a schedule of usage that is necessary to prosecute such offences.

Q: What about a member of the public who comes into the police station and tells me that they believe their credit card has been compromised/cloned and then has a number of unlawful transactions made on it?

(You will use the force mind control on Joe P. You have not been a victim of crime. wave your hand at the same time)

A: Record a Crime Related Incident. The member of the public should be instructed to inform their financial institution about the fraudulent uses of the credit card. The financial institution can then report the economic crime direct to the Police via a central recording point in each force if they wish to. They will supply further details such as a schedule of usage that is necessary to prosecute such offences.

Q: So the Financial Institutions could send every single economic crime to the single point of contact and overwhelm us?

(No stupid. They're in league with us and shall receive knighthoods for massaging the figures.)

A: At the moment the institutions could give the Police every fraudulent transaction that occurs on every plastic card to record as a deception. They choose not to do this as there is recognition that Police do not have resources to record or investigate each individual instance.

Q: Will the institutions be expecting that each economic crime they report to Police will be investigated?

(I refer the right honourable gentleman to the reply I made to his earlier question.)

A: No guarantees have been given that each crime will be investigated, although they must be recorded. The more information the institution is able to give the Police to lead them to the identification, apprehension and prosecution of offenders, the more likelihood there will be for the Police Service to investigate these crimes.

Q: Surely this is just a manipulation of the figures for fraud?

(Why isn't this mind control working on Fact?)

A: This economic crime category was originally suggested by ACPO in 2004, although it was felt prudent to dovetail the proposals with the introduction of the new fraud act, which is what we have done. The Home Office will be using figures from the Association of Payment Clearing Services (APACS UK Payments Associations) on plastic card fraud to better represent the overall figures for plastic fraud crime, in the recorded crime figures. (Did anyone understand this answer???)

Watch this space. This time next year the home office will be crowing about how they have slashed fraud offences. No, really.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Time for a change? Not again!

How much of it have you seen since you joined the job?
I've lost count of how many times some idiot comes up with "a better, more effective way for the police FORCE to be run."
Yet each time I've found it has taken us further and further away from good practice and common sense.
Sector Policing. Problem Orientated Policing. Community Policing. Response Policing. Geographical Policing. Eight Areas. Numbered Divisions. Alphabetical Divisions. Local Control Rooms. Centralised Communications.
These are among the many different names and practices that have been brought about during my service so far.
I was talking to a former probationer the other day who has resigned after just over a years service. He told me that probys have to evidence 1800 incidents during their 2 years. Each time they have to sit down and discuss the incident with their tutor constable which takes approximately an hour each time.
Thats 75 days. Worse, its only 75 days if you divide the 1800hrs by 24hrs.
On average you are at work for 8hrs per working day. So, 1800hrs divided by 8hrs equals 225 working days!
Somebody please tell me this is wrong. He must be mistaken.
Also he said that they have to give the member of the public they are dealing with a questionaire to complete on how the member of the public feels he or she was dealt with by said proby!
If this is true then it explains the large amount of probationers that are leaving the job before their probation is half over.
Whatever happened to the simple record of work book that was used when I was a proby in which you just recorded the cus ref no's. of your arrests or the ref no's. from the tickets you gave out?
We have already changed so much that the shite are no longer afraid of being caught. They just laugh at us now and call PCSO's plastic twats. The boundaries are being pushed further back each time these changes are forced upon us. We are constantly retreating and redrawing the line that the shite are more and more willing to cross because they've seen how timid and ineffective we have become in dealing with them.
I grew up on a rough council estate but we still had respect for the police. I drove through it the other day. Christ its a nightmare. I locked the car doors.
How far back can we go before before the balance tips and it becomes impossible to come back from the abyss that is anarchy? It already has tipped in certain areas up and down the country and is spreading.
We'll end up living in walled estates with a state of martial law in effect.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Black In Blue's raid on the Big Brother House.

Knowing my luck I'd lock up Jade Goody.
Thats one Essex girl that don't give me woody.
PC Twining the swine, he'd nab Shilpa Shetty.
He likes her thinks I, he's gettin all sweaty.

PC Peeler the nutter, he'd lock up Jade's mum.
With her sexual preference, he'll have a sore bum.
PC Bloggs will nab Ian, she'll cart him away.
But she's fresh outta luck, cos he is quite Gay.

Gadget our guv'nor, Jo's collar he'll feel.
He'd like something else, but he's keeping it real.
Bob Slot has his cuffs, which he clamps on Danielle.
She shouts "Its the bizzies, oh shit! Fuckin ell!"

As for TUPC, he's stuck in the nick.
Transferred back to custody, boy, is he bloody sick!
Cleo, Dirk and the rest, they're all hiding inside.
Who shall we arrest next? Its your choice. YOU decide!

Thursday, January 18, 2007

The Rat and the Pencil.

No, its not a weird pub where sneaky rodent featured Bobbies hang out.
Its a story told to me years ago while young in service.
Police Constable from a road traffic motor cycle department is giving evidence at court in a reckless driving case.
PC " I followed the defendant for several miles your worship. He was riding a high powered motor cycle along a single carriageway road which is divided into two lanes, one in each direction, by continous unbroken double white lines. The defendant refused to stop and in fact drove at speed exceeding the limit for the road, overtaking slower moving vehicles and by doing so contravened the double white lines on several occasions. When he eventually stopped he denied both that he was in fact speeding and also that he had contravened the double white lines. He was therefore reported for the offences."
Defence Brief. " What speed exactly is it that you say my client was doing officer?"
PC. " I cannot say exactly your worship as the speedometer on my motorcycle had broken and I was in the process of returning it to the garage when I spotted the defendant."
DB. " So you cannot say with any accuracy that he was in fact speeding, can you officer?"
PC. " Your worship, I have been a traffic officer for more than 10 years and during that time I have been caused to exceed the speed limit numerous times while driving a variety of police vehicles. Because of this experience I would estimate that the defendant was doing between 80 and 90 mph in a 60 mph limit."
DB. " So you consider yourself a good judge of speed because of this experience do you officer?"
PC. " I do your worship."
DB. Picks up a pencil from his desk and throws it across the courtroom." How fast would you say that pencil was going then officer?"
PC. Deadpan. " I couldn't say your worship. I've never ridden a pencil before."

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The Twat in the Hat. As inspired by the great Grannys.Myth.Peeler

Sitting at home, I'm feeling quite low,
The reason? Tomorrow to work I must go.
There in my chair I shall sit and review,
The masses and masses of jobs on my queue.

As I sit there, sorting tit out from tat,
I see him approaching, the Twat in the hat!
Oh no! He will meddle. He'll turn things to poo.
Assisted of course by Dick 1 and Dick 2!

Around PC Fact, the three of them prey,
Checking up on what he's doing today.
To pick him to pieces, to pull him to bits.
But he knows of their scheming, those trio of shits!

Defeated for now, the Twat skulks along.
To sit in his office, the sad fucking mong.
I'm sure you've all have them, Bosses that talk tat.
A Dick 1, a Dick 2, and a Twat in a hat.

Lets all keep on hoping, Please God, not in vain.
That Dick 1 and Dick 2 and the Twat all get slain.
And so on that nice thought, to your views I'll react.
To all of you bloggers, Nuff respect, Franky Fact!!

Bum Shiners.

I have to admit it, I am a Bum Shiner.
Not by choice mind you but by virtue that I am incapable of front line duties anymore because of medical reasons that I won't go into as it may reveal my true identity.
Do I miss the streets?
Yes, and also no.
Yes, I miss the adrenalin rush of the chase. The camaraderie.
No, I don't miss the same shit, different day jobs I used to get sent to. I used to wonder when attending such jobs, why am I here dealing with this? Are our call takers just mindless robots that create an incident from every call that comes in?
I used to hear "Its really stressful in control room." To be honest I thought "Bollocks."
Now, having had the experience of both sides of the coin, do you know what?
It is bollocks!
I'll concede that it can be tense when a big jobs on the go but trust me, the sharp end is beyond the comprehension of many that have never set foot beyond control.
I deal with a lot of the SSDD jobs that I used to on the streets from the safety of my padded chair, taking some comfort that if I'm doing this via the phone then at least it ain't goin down to the troops.
The thing that stresses dispatchers out? The amount of jobs on their screen. How many can they allocate to the troops so that it shrinks and they can read their paper. All because they are mindful of their performance figures. If its busy then so be it. Deal with it. Getting in a tizz, or worse, cursing PC Bloggs (no not you Bloggs) for being out of service on paperwork is not the answer.
To my fellow bloggers that do me the honour of reading my tripe, I salute those of you that are still out there battling. I've been there and unlike some others in the warm, air conditioned comfort that is the control room, I haven't forgotten nor will I forget what its like out there and I'll do my best to wipe out some of the unbelievable crap that crosses my screens before it should ever reach you.
Pass me another cushion, my arse has gone to sleep.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Prison absconder numbers unknown

With a government as inept as this its no wonder we're in the state we are.
No central database?
It beggars belief.
Its almost as ludicrous as the different police forces of the UK all having different computer systems and not being able to share information due to incompatibility of software.
Not to mention the differing "policies" from one force to another.
I know of an occasion where force one was contacted via fax from force two requesting a task be carried out. When, after a reasonable time had elapsed, having received no response from force one, force two telephoned force one only to be informed "Sorry, its our force policy that we only accept emails now, not faxes."
It gets worse.
Force two, being a bit narked, emails force one requesting said task from fax be carried out.
Shortly after email is sent, the sender of the email is then told by control that said task no longer needs to be carried out so sender of said email then telephones force one to cancel request.
Do you know what they said?
Thats right! "Can you send us an email?"
After taking a deep breath sender of email told numpty from force one that it was his policy not to respond to stupid requests!
A large force in the middle of country that we shall call force three was contacted by force two asking for an offender to be arrested.
Three. "Sorry, he's not shown as wanted on PNC."
Two. "Yes, we know. PNC is down at Hendon. Has been for hours."
Three. "Sorry, its force policy that we won't respond to arrest requests if they are not circulated on PNC."
Two. "But like I've said, PNC is down and we have good info as to where this person is."
Three. "Sorry, force policy y'know."
Two. "So its a case of computer says no then. Cough."
You couldn't make it up.

Police Department Voice Mail

This is an old one but really funny.
I'd love this to be played to the public when they call the police.
I'm sure it would cut in half the amount of calls that actually get through.

Monday, January 01, 2007

Happy New Year. An ode from Franky.

I hope in this New Year our spirits will soar
And our leaders at work will stop giving cause
For us to feel so low, that they try just a bit
To open their mouths, without talking such shit
I hope that my team can hold on to its staff
And stops losing good uns, no don't make me laugh
I hope I'll avoid another medical review
So my leaders at work, can all go and screw
Themselves up the arse and I hope that in FACT
At the end of 07 my careers still intact.

Happy New Year