Knowing my luck I'd lock up Jade Goody.
Thats one Essex girl that don't give me woody.
PC Twining the swine, he'd nab Shilpa Shetty.
He likes her thinks I, he's gettin all sweaty.
PC Peeler the nutter, he'd lock up Jade's mum.
With her sexual preference, he'll have a sore bum.
PC Bloggs will nab Ian, she'll cart him away.
But she's fresh outta luck, cos he is quite Gay.
Gadget our guv'nor, Jo's collar he'll feel.
He'd like something else, but he's keeping it real.
Bob Slot has his cuffs, which he clamps on Danielle.
She shouts "Its the bizzies, oh shit! Fuckin ell!"
As for TUPC, he's stuck in the nick.
Transferred back to custody, boy, is he bloody sick!
Cleo, Dirk and the rest, they're all hiding inside.
Who shall we arrest next? Its your choice. YOU decide!