PC Franky Fact. His views on policing are lacking in tact.

Monday, February 02, 2009

Terrorist takes a Snow Day!

International terrorism fell victim to the British weather today as Johnny Jihad couldn't find his cache of contraband C4 due to the white stuff.
I took these snaps of him apparently making a snowman though when he noticed me he insisted he was in fact looking for his explosives.
Later he insisted on posing for some propaganda pics of him forcing the large snow hostage to wear a Fez.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Achmed The Dead terrorist

I swear this guy was driving my resort transfer bus.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Bring back Gene Hunt

With all the kerfuffle going on over on the Guvs site about Ali doodah and Twining reminding everyone that he's black, I thought I'd mention something far more important.

Ashes to ashes has finished and won't be back till next year!


I can't be doing without the Gene Genie for a whole year! He's the best TV cop ever. Better than Burnside and Regan!

Come on BBC. You've got a top show and you only give us 6 to 8 weeks of quality but year round tosh like Casualty!

Sort it out or you'll have a face like a baboons arse with a tash on it.

Fire up the Quattro Raymondo, me oops are going colder than a polar bears balls.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Zer vill be no toasters!!!

Attention please.
A Northern police force in which I serve has decided in its infinite wisdom that toasters are a dangerous fire risk.
In a covert overnight swoop all toasters have been removed from offices and KITCHENS!
They have been confiscated and are currently impounded at an undisclosed secure location.
An immediate appeal was lodged by officers and staff in protest at no longer being able to partake of toasted teacakes and the like.
However, the ACC of said force said "I'm chair of the health and safety committee and the decision stands. They're dangerous pieces of equipment and pose a potential fire risk so you can't have em back!"
Apparently we've been told to use the grill inside the oven.
Wait a cotton picking minute....
They get quite hot don't they....?
I think the committee heard that.
Next week Ovengate!

Monday, December 31, 2007

The 12 days of Chavmas

911 Call

I've been looking for this one for ages.

A belated Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year to you all.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Hampshire Police Bus Advert


Is this the latest body armour improvement?

Monday, October 15, 2007

Action for fair pay. Lobby your local MP.

A colleague of mine sent this to me today.
Seeing as how we aren't allowed to strike for fair pay the please send this to every police officer and like minded people that you know.
In fact..............please publish it on your own blogs if you agree and think it may do some good.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

G Class 5/90. Purple Intake

Memory lane.

Anybody out there recognise anyone?

I wish I was still in the same shape.

Back row....left to right....first names only.

Terry, George, Phil, Dave, Paul.

Middle row.

Jane, John, Neil, Tom, Simon, Jenny.

Front row.

Fran, Sgt Mark Adams, can't remember, god knows, PC Eric Bailey, Maureen, Louise.


Terry. Top bloke from Romford. Wife makes a lovely chilli. Voted most handsome male in class by the ladies.

George. Sadly, the only one I'm still in touch with. Diamond bloke.

Phil. Funniest guy in class. Always clowning around. Damn near got me kicked out after dragging Jenny into the blokes changing rooms at swimming only to find the School Chief Supt stood in his towel.

Dave. From Bristol. Liked keerbaarbs. Never should've let John cut yor hair bud.

Paul. Good man. Strong as an ox. Did good impershonation of Shaun Connery as Bond.

Jane. Lovely lass.

John. Baby of the class. From Plymouth.

Neil. Posh lad. Nice bloke. Good cook. Invited the whole class to his home in Enfield and cooked us all a meal. Had a police teddy bear which got kidnapped and held to ransom. He had to parade outside the peel statue with one trouser leg rolled up holding a bog brush to get it back.

Tom. Always messing around in class. Got us all doing a mexican wave with our name tag boards affixed to thedesks while some boring old chap tried to teach us what to do in the event of a nuclear war.
Managed to fit cheesy bells, fishy smells into a question he asked him.

Simon. The mild mannered man. His ex flat mate was Mark Limahl, lead singer of Kajagoogoo.

Jenny. Lovely friendly Welsh lass. Sorry about the changing room incident.

Fran. Ahhh......Wee Fran. From the Highlands of Scotland. I'll never forget the day we were on parade and as we made to march off one of her suspenders went and her stocking rolled down as we plodded along. Now that was funny....
Transferred to North Yorks police.

Sgt Adams. Born again god squadder.

PC Bailey. The original old sweat.

Maureen. Was class Captain for a while until we had a revolution and got moved classes. Uni graduate. Very friendly when on the sauce......

Lou. Quiet as a mouse. Got top student award for having to try so hard.

If it jogs anyones memory can anyone recall our class motto......?

Wednesday, October 03, 2007