Thursday, February 22, 2007

Zer vill be no LAUGHING!!!!!

Subject: Das Computer Message System

Achtung,
Vile carrying out ein grossen sneaky review of ze content/use of ze Computer Messaging System, Ve haf noticed zat all troopers in ze Control Room are beginning to use ze system for chit chat again.
Dis vill not be tolerated! Der vill be no laughing!!!
Ein memo haf been sent to all Ober Leutnants to review der units.
Dis matter vas also raised in ze Team Brief from der Fuhrer Twat dis month.
Ve haf carried out ein more detailed check of all messages from our staff.
Nein issues ver highlighted for der Goody Svie Shoes Section B.
BUT!! Zer haf been ein increase in chit chat for der Dumpkoffs in Section A.
Be aver das system is vor Verk matters only und use vor personal messages between troopers VILL BE PUNISHED!!!

Ve vill be votching.
Gruppen Kaptain Dicks Ein und Swie.
Das Quality und Compliance Team
Communications Centre Reichstag.
Scumshire Police Headquarters

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Panda's parking makes the papers.

I can just picture the rubber heelers getting themselves all excited at the chance to ruin some poor bobbies day.
The poor sod will end up fined and disciplined.
I know the town where this happened. The officers are ran off their feet 24/7 so much that the public have to make an appointment to see an officer at the main station to report whatever crime they have fallen victim to.
This officer had more than likely missed their refs and was probably grabbing a bite between jobs.
As for Mr Mallon. Its not so long ago that he had his car clamped about 100 yards away from where this police car was parked while he was on mayoral business and he raised bloody hell. The clamp was hastily removed. He loves to jump on the bandwagon when its anything to do with his former employers.
Whoever you are, I'm sure that you had police business. A follow up enquiry, returning cctv to one of the stores, getting a statement, returning property or maybe you had just caught sight of someone who was wanted and you had went after them but lost them in the crowd and on your way back to your car you passed the sausage roll shop and decided to have a bite on the hoof thereby serving the public by remaining out and about.
Police have always had dispensation for parking when on police business. If this is now changed imagine the amount of time it will take to correctly park before going to see a victim or carrying out enquiries? The existing backlog will multiply to an unmanageable level. Is that really what the public wants?

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Performance Development Day.

Does anybody else out there get these PDD things?
Attendance is "Entirely voluntary" on your rest day but you get a day on your card. Wow, thanks sarge.
I HAD to attend one recently and I was praying that it was going to be at least mildly interesting as I suffer terribly from CTS. Classroom Tiredness Syndrome. I'll never forget first aid training lecture at Hendon. My eyes were drooping, my head nodding and for a second I'd gone. Only to open my eyes to see staff standing in front of me. "Am I boring you Fact?" A week of late parades for that.
I was relieved to find that they'd done away with sitting around in a circle tossing a frickin ball to each other and telling everyone who we are.
After tea and insults about peoples choice of attire we trooped into the lecture hall. I made a beeline straight for the back so I could use the wall as a headrest.
Then it started.
Chief Inspector "Thankyou all for coming on your day off........blah..........waffle.........breaktimes with free tea and bickies........blah........flannel.......then its free lunch with cakes."
CAKES! Briefly got my attention there.
Chief Inspector "boring after lunch schedule explained ..... and now I'll hand you over to our very own ACPO Rep."
Thats it. I'm already flagging big time. My mate next to me keeps giving me a dig. Big Fella a few places away from me is comatose.
After that its a fascinating lecture on NSIR and NCIS and some other initials. They must be on red bull.
To summarise the day.
Cakes were great.
Senior management were as boring as expected.
NSIR bloke needs to be shot.
Major incident D's were hung over.
Special branch were secretive.
PCSO's convinced me that they are in fact frickin useless.
The only thing that kept my attention was traffic and thats because the Inspector giving the lecture turned it into road wars.
Apparently they'd had loads of positive feedback from the last day. We all filled in sheets saying it was utter shite. Apart from road wars and having to go back and wake big fella to tell him it was home time.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Hail to the Chief.

Della the fella has hung up her hat.
No longer she'll deal with crime and all that.
She is giving up her job in the ivory tower.
The free car, and the office with its en suite shower.

The search now begins for the NYPD.
Who'll take over from Della? We'll just wait and see.
Whoever they choose, would be I suppose,
Someone of great stature to fit in those clothes.

She'll take off her uniform for the last time.
No more getting stopped while buying some wine.
At her leaving party, she'll lift up her glass.
"Goodbye, its been fun. Now kiss my fat ass."