Thursday, February 08, 2007

Performance Development Day.

Does anybody else out there get these PDD things?
Attendance is "Entirely voluntary" on your rest day but you get a day on your card. Wow, thanks sarge.
I HAD to attend one recently and I was praying that it was going to be at least mildly interesting as I suffer terribly from CTS. Classroom Tiredness Syndrome. I'll never forget first aid training lecture at Hendon. My eyes were drooping, my head nodding and for a second I'd gone. Only to open my eyes to see staff standing in front of me. "Am I boring you Fact?" A week of late parades for that.
I was relieved to find that they'd done away with sitting around in a circle tossing a frickin ball to each other and telling everyone who we are.
After tea and insults about peoples choice of attire we trooped into the lecture hall. I made a beeline straight for the back so I could use the wall as a headrest.
Then it started.
Chief Inspector "Thankyou all for coming on your day off........blah..........waffle.........breaktimes with free tea and bickies........blah........flannel.......then its free lunch with cakes."
CAKES! Briefly got my attention there.
Chief Inspector "boring after lunch schedule explained ..... and now I'll hand you over to our very own ACPO Rep."
Thats it. I'm already flagging big time. My mate next to me keeps giving me a dig. Big Fella a few places away from me is comatose.
After that its a fascinating lecture on NSIR and NCIS and some other initials. They must be on red bull.
To summarise the day.
Cakes were great.
Senior management were as boring as expected.
NSIR bloke needs to be shot.
Major incident D's were hung over.
Special branch were secretive.
PCSO's convinced me that they are in fact frickin useless.
The only thing that kept my attention was traffic and thats because the Inspector giving the lecture turned it into road wars.
Apparently they'd had loads of positive feedback from the last day. We all filled in sheets saying it was utter shite. Apart from road wars and having to go back and wake big fella to tell him it was home time.

13 comments:

Officer Dibble said...

I though they had stopped these PDD or similar some time ago as it was too 'resource intensive'

My last similar thing was about 4 years ago and you have more or less described the Cast.
The only difference in the day was that my BOCU at the time were clearly too tightfisted to provide cakes...and the coffee ran out early too!

Nowadays I just get bombarded by E mail telling me how everything is going great and how I must strive harder to achieve that extra 2% off the 'basket of crime figures'.

lastsaneguy said...

It's not just the cops who have to put up with this sh*te.
I work for a large American corporation in the UK (Our people are our best asset)
We took part in a team building exercise where we were expected to stand around in a circle holding hands (in a dept that is 90% male) and asked to say what kind of animal we would describe ourselves as.
I described myself as a blue arsed fly which seemed to label me as some kind of subversive if the look I got off my manager was anything to fo by.

PC South West said...

Work a rest day for time on the card. Not likely!!
I too suffer from a similar ailment called, LTWTL, lost the will to live.

Black in Blue said...

Franky OI, I like your poetry. Did you manage to stay awake?

totallyun-pc said...

Frany you total piss head.... (you know what I'm talking about.....)

ha ha ....

totallyun-pc said...

ps. nearly every course the job offers is shite... not all but nearly all.

Pod said...

thanks for your (tanked up) comment! hope you didn't have too much of a hangover....

Anonymous said...

Never mind, not long till we're all going to be working towards our NVQ in diversity. Oh i'm not taking the p**s, its f***ing true.
F**ck this i'm joining the BNP.

BigFellainBlue said...

Courses courses courses we get courses in shite we dont care about but when SOCAP and other new legislation comes in the training is in an email!!!!!! But tutor training and IT training etc takes days and its crap, its gives the training staff a reason to exist instead of going back on the beat.
The best training Ive had recently was about RIPA it was conveyed by two gents I think a DS and a DC from another force doing the job (not trainers) and every question that was asked got answered straight away not the usual 'When you come back from lunch I will have an answer' Boll**ks.

And what is that with normal courses by the training dept just after lunch the eyes get heavy and suddenly I get a prod in the side, in fact I get this before lunch aswell!!!!!!!! I mean heavy eyes not just a prod:-)

AND you have to turn into a PC pink and fluffy robot during these courses you can see an aura as you appraoch HQ its PINK very Fluffy and full of Lardy, Arty Farty, Hoity, Dardy, decaffinated, cappacino drinking, Toity people with clipty clopty shoes!!

Iavnt speelchecked cant be bothered Im off to Scotters!! The Yard have at last heard of the Big Fella.

BigFellainBlue said...

Oh by the way I used to work for an american company in the UK - the Tw*ts had us singing and doing exercises and roleplays before work the wan**rs. I dont care Im 18yrs old and earning nothing just let me serve the customers and go home im not interested in bonding or listening to my inner self just pay me and let me get drunk on 20-20 and alcopops in he student union every thursday friday and saturday night.

totallyun-pc said...

Hey Big MACDONALDS WORKER in Blue!!!! ha ha

Whichendbites said...

We got these down our way. Another effort to put the blame on officers being rude or not keeping people informed and leave the CC clear of any blame. Supposed to affect everyone, but only the select 'everyone' carry the can for this one. Its slid down the management pole to the low life at the bottom of the world and will be another tool to beat us with when the need arises. So much of this stuff only works one way and not both ways as it claims to.

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