Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Farewell PC Copperfield.

So........Now we know.

Watched the show. The truth was spoken. Will anything change?

I doubt it.

I'm green with envy as to where he's heading.

Enjoy yourself DC.

Take care and watch out for bears.

You might be a Copper if......

Another classic I wish I'd penned myself.

You might be a copper if...

You have the bladder capacity of five people.

You have ever restrained someone and it wasn't a sexual experience.

You believe that 75% of people are a waste of space. (Only 75%?)

Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.

You call for a name check on anyone who is remotely friendly to you.

Discussing dismemberment over dinner seems perfectly normal to you.

You find humour in other peoples stupidity.

You have your weekends off planned for a year.

You believe the government should require a permit to reproduce.

You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says "God its quiet today."

Whenever you phone someone, you ask them "Are you free to speak."

Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than a computer can track.

You're the only sober person in the kebab house.

You believe chocolate is a food group.

Having alcohol at 7am seems perfectly normal.

You have ever wanted to hold a seminar called "Suicide, getting it right the First time."

You believe "Too stupid to live" should be a valid court outcome.

When you mention vegetables, you're not referring to a food group.

You think caffeine should be available in IV form.

Your prisoner states "I have no idead how I got here" - and neither have you.

You end normal conversations with Roger or Acknowledged.

You believe the carpet bombing of certain areas of your beat is a viable alternative to policing.

You believe that some crimes can be sorted out with a damned good kicking.

Your favourite hallucinogen is exhaustion.

You are the only person who ever uses the word 'liaise.'

Your partner tells you off for walking with your hands behind your back.

At lease once every working day you use the phrase, "The Job's f*cked."

You regularly say "With all due respect Sir" but mean nothing of the sort.

You have a nose finely tuned to the smells of cannabis, decomposition and stale body odour.

You think Thursday is the best night to go into town for a drink with your mates.

You nodded and laughed at all of the above and realised what a sick bunch we all are.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Being a Police Officer in the UK.

This was sent to me by a friend and colleague and had me in stitches so I thought I'd share it.


How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?


Consider the following scenario:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.
You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?


Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?Should I call 999?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behaviour.
If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed when he falls over running away, knocks his head and kills himself?
If I shoot him, and lose the court case does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and I will lose my family home?




(Sounds of reloading)
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"