Thursday, September 13, 2007

Being a Police Officer in the UK.

This was sent to me by a friend and colleague and had me in stitches so I thought I'd share it.



Question:

How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer an Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?

Answer:

Consider the following scenario:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.
You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?

UK POLICE OFFICERS Answer!

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?Should I call 999?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behaviour.
If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed when he falls over running away, knocks his head and kills himself?
If I shoot him, and lose the court case does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and I will lose my family home?

AUSTRALIAN OFFICERS Answer:

BANG!

AMERICAN OFFICERS Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click....
(Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Dad! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips?"

11 comments:

Grannys.Myth.Peeler said...

oh! sigh! eyes roll. if it were only a joke. but sadly tis true. it didnt state whether the uk bobby had the appropriate paperwork to hand or what time of day it was. are there potentially any school kids around. does the attacker have any disability. does he need to see the force doctor before carrying out his attack. can social services assist him in making the attack easier to perform. would he need an interpreter. because lets face it if he cant understand the victim begging for his life how is he supposed to enjoy the experience. at what altitude are they. if too high the attacker might need to be provided with oxygen. should the potential victim remove any cumbersome outer garments which might get in the way of the knife. is the victim wearing loud clothing. should we inform the council that a mess might need clearing up sharpish so as not to cause the attacker any undue stress. can we provide him with adequate after sales service. is someone likely to be on hand with a cup of tea?

thanks for dropping by franky. i hope "hairy clowns" made you laugh.

PC South West said...

And not to mention the Spanish inquisition to follow. In this country of course, no matter what the decision was.

Twining said...

http://twining.wordpress.com/2007/09/14/225/

Mousie said...

Love it.

If only it weren't so true...

Big Fella in Blue said...

Very funny mate, just watched panorama what a cracking insight and I agreed with everything. It just shows ts country wide and not just in DC's force.

Response Plod said...

So true.

Unfortunately!

Donna said...

I thank you all, for every time you lay your life on the line,from the bottom of my heart...be safe. Hailing from Texas, USA

"gunner" said...

where i live, in the unlikely event that happened my daughter's comment would be "dammit daddy, you didn't let me get a shot at him".
"gunner"

TWINING said...

Will someone advise me who placed the above link using my name because I didn't.

João said...

Some times I ask my self if the police officers that shot 7 times the brazilian Jean Charles de Menezes in 2005 really did those questions.

Anonymous said...

The brazilian cop:

KBOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM !

That's the sound of a hand granade.